I am a Catholic woman in the midst of a divorce due to the influence of pornography on my husband.  He is in total denial of any effect on the family.  I could sit here and write all day in response to the various postings I have read on this site.  I want very much to speak out for the women and children.

I MUST respond to the man who asked why women display their bodies in strip clubs and porn.  You responded by saying, "these women tempt" men.  To say the women are tempting the men is to place all the blame on the women.  This is one of the key lies of pornography and prostitution.  The men tell themselves they cannot help themselves and that men are different from women.  Men "have" to have sex, are more "visual"...which leads to if "my wife would just" and finally "she was asking for it".

The women and men who participate in this are all victims of sexual abuse.  Early childhood exposure to sexual activity destroys the foundation of healthy sexuality.  What is being displayed is the pain and lack of caring that is necessarily developed in order to absorb the violation.  Haven't you ever noticed the hard look on the face of most prostitutes?  What amazes me is the ability of most men to overlook the fear and superficiality that I perceive in the eyes of every Playboy playmate.  (Admittedly, I have not looked in a while.)

This is one of the many root cause lies of pornography.  Pornography is simply another form of prostitution.  Internet porn is electronic prostitution.  It is just a deeper level of isolation.  As the men are drawn more deeply into the web (...irony not lost on me.) the women are left in this huge vacuum of isolation and abandonment.

Guys!  Wake up!  The women do not know how deeply lost you are.  They need you at home!  They need your love and affection!  They need your full emotional presence!  Your kids need you!  Everyone is waiting!   The pain the families experience is about the loss of real love and how very much the men are needed at home.

Guys!  Your family is dying!  They need you!  Turn back!

One of the many lies is that women "control" sexuality and withhold it to torture men.  Women are not withholding.  They are doing the dishes, paying the bills, getting the kids off to school, holding down a job and wondering why at the end of the day when they finally feel enough is completed to avert MOST of tomorrow's crisis's, the guy who was "in his cave' on the couch for the last 4 hours cannot understand that she is very simply exhausted and needs sleep.

She also cannot understand why he wants suddenly to do something in the marriage bed, that she has never heard of before, seems uncomfortable, even humiliating, and he cannot see the weird expression on his own face when he balks and sulks at her faint protest that she "really doesn't like the idea".  He is being indoctrinated that she is "not being submissive", is "emasculating him" and he has a head full of images of women who were PAID TO PRETEND they liked whatever it is he is trying.

Guys!  Your wife has no idea.  She hasn't seen the pictures.  She doesn't associate with drug addicts who pose in front of cameras to get the next fix.  She paid for her tuition from a savings account and student loans (or she never went).  She probably loves you very much and is in deep pain about the fact that she feels alone and cannot reach you.  She doesn't know where you are or where you have been.  Try to remember she is not in your world.  She just wants you to come home.

Most women know,  and ALL prostitutes know that men do not accept responsibility for their sexuality and that you can even get them to give you money if you pretend to like them for a few minutes.  Because women have never been valued in the workplace they are economically vulnerable in this society.  When the men abandon the women, they are left with few alternatives to poverty.  The reason prostitution has been such an easy lure for women who have been abused is that they already feel shame and rejection and it is one of the few
avenues the world allows for women to obtain money at a level that actually sustains them.  Yes, they do it for the money.  NOT because they like men or want sex.  It's about the money.  Usually it is about feeding your kids.  Please tell me the men know this.

All prostitutes hate men.  The reason women prostitute themselves is rooted in early sexual abuse and abandonment.  Young women are taught by this society that the primary thing a man wants from them is sexual.  From this they can obtain the money that provides the food, clothing and shelter that no man is willing to provide.  The larger society is very comfortable with telling itself that all of this is okay.  Women are told that men turn to prostitutes and porn to prevent them from committing adultery.  How comforting to the wives.

Pornography is a "gateway drug."  It is fueled by the lie that it is victimless.  If that is so, then why don't the men just openly declare their involvement to their families?  Are they afraid their daughters will see it as a career path?  Are they content to contribute via Paypal to all the young women who are paying their tuition for college with webcams?  Are they unconcerned that they are delivering their daughters and sons tuition money to the present crop of young webcam porn entrepreneurs?  "I thought she was 18".  I just love that.  There is an entire fashion and cosmetics industry that is built on persuading our young women to look 21 when they are 13.  (Unfortunately, as soon as they actually hit 21 the other end of the industry, the "if you are 40 and a woman your life is over" begins to court their sensibilities.)  There is a pervasive collusion of denial surrounding the proliferation of this problem.

The prostitutes are laughing all the way to the bank.  They go home and have complete control of their own remote.  This is why many women refer to marriage as the "second oldest profession".  Many women are caught in marriages where the economic control is held by the men and they suffer known and unknown bondage to situations they would object to and end it they were fully aware.

The men who go to prostitutes hate women.  The men who view pornography hate women.  This is not a secret is it?  It is all a mutually agreed upon hate club.  In order to join one only needs to pay dues.  There's an awful lot of money feeding this club.

In the meantime, while the men are falling more deeply into the isolation of the illusion of sexuality, the women are left home alone.  The women spend millions on decorating their homes, their bodies, read self help books, and fall into the isolation of other addictions, primarily relationship and romance addictions to attempt to satisfy the huge gap between their expectations of life and their marriage and the reality that pornography creates.

With no fault divorce the welfare system provides the support the men refuse to provide.  Their money goes into "the club".
God help them all.

The women in the United States don't even know what is going on yet.
Internet pornography is an import.  It has been immigrated from around the globe.  The "throwback Puritanical" values that once provided at least a veil and some restraint in the United States are being rejected and systematically destroyed under the guise of First Amendment rights.  The porn industry considers this to be it's favorite joke.

I am sad for the men who subscribe to these lies.  Somewhere in their lives is a lonely woman who cannot understand why she sits at home alone, why her kids have no real father, why she feels no real fulfillment even when she has relations with her husband.  She wonders constantly why the external appearances of home and family seem to look right...but her insides are crying out in loneliness.

Most women are completely unaware of the scope, influence and depravity of the images in their husbands minds.
Most women never discuss sexuality with anyone.
Most women suffer in silence to protect the sanctity of their marriage.
Most women are totally unaware of the expectations running through a man's mind that she will never fulfill.
But everywoman feels deeply, the chasm of loneliness in her heart and home that is left by the fleeting image of the shadow of the man that she thought she married.

You see, a mans participation in pornography eventually turns him into the the shallow inaccessible image and event that the pornography is in his life.  But he cannot see that.  Only the people around him can see it.  He is busy looking elsewhere.

The truth is the truth is the truth.

I don't have a website.
I don't have a microphone. I am just another woman with 4 kids who has been cast off to allow my husband to pursue his fantasy life.  This is a very old story.  I am not alone.  But I don't have time to even comfort the other women.  I need to keep trying to find a job that will allow me to feed and house the children.  I need to find newer and stronger web filters.  I need to pray constantly.  I need time to mourn the loss of another man and his family.

I cannot be active in the fight.  I am busy today, doing the dishes, paying the bills, appearing in court to provide the state enough paper to allow him to leave, and I suspect again tonight, I will need to save enough time and strength to wrap my arms around his children when they cry.

Wake up guys!
Ask for God's help.
You can be free.

If you can't do it for yourself or your wife, do it for your kids.

May the Good Lord Bless and protect us all,

In Christ,

Trish