December-03
Q: I am going on 32 and have been addicted to porn since I was about 10. I am married and have 4 children. I love my wife and children deeply but most importantly I love Jesus Christ. I have had success and failure battling this addiction. I frequent the Sacraments, pray the Rosary, and try to live the Gospel daily. I do have hope that one day I will no longer sin in this way. I do have a few questions though...
Do you think I should not receive communion until I get to confession after committing the sin of masturbation to pornography? I have gone back and forth in my thinking on this. I used to abandon all prayer when I committed these sins but now I continue to pray even after I have fallen. I do however feel guilty going to mass with these sins on my soul. Sometimes I think that the addictive, compulsive nature of these offenses negates the full consent factor of a mortal sin. Can you help me with this? Of course, I always try to get to confession ASAP but sometimes I have to go to Mass before I get to confession.
Last question: About 18 months ago I confessed to my wife that I have this addiction. It was incredibly helpful to me but it deeply hurt her. I was able to live for about six months without falling back into this addiction. But since then I have committed the sin many times. I have not told my wife this and she occasionally asks me about it but I tell her that I have remained free from it. My question is, should I tell her the truth? It would crush her but I feel guilty lying to her. Thanks - M

A: Dear M,
The description of your ongoing battle with this addiction is typical and mimics that of so many men in these modern times.

My advice in the short term is to definitely avoid receiving Holy Communion until you have received absolution in the Confessional for the sin of masturbation.

This is a difficult thing to do, and a humbling experience to stay in the pew while everyone else receives the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus.  However, it is far worse to compound a serious sin by committing another serious sin by receiving our Lord unworthily.

We cheat ourselves and put our souls in mortal danger from thinking otherwise.

In other words, always take the conservative path where faith, judgment and the condition of your immortal soul are concerned.  Positive spiritual growth will be the result.

Where honesty and truthfulness with your wife are concerned, since you have already confided in her initially, it is better to be honest and straightforward with her once again rather than continue along the path of deceit.  Deceit comes from the devil, so don't give him a chance to work on you.

Confess to your priest and to your wife these past offenses, including your lack of truthfulness, even though it will be painful for you initially.  This will help the two of you grow closer to each other. 

After all, the closer you grow to your wife, the less room there is for satan to stand between you. 

It is paramount that nothing separate the love of husband for wife and wife for husband.  This is the absolute highest priority for you and the vocation assigned to you by God Himself.  Every married man must constantly strive to be the best husband, father and worker that he can be under all circumstances and adversities.

When it comes to being honest and straightforward,  remember what our Lord instructed us, "Say yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no.  Anything else comes from the evil one."

Please know that you and your wife are included in our daily prayers.
God Bless you!

Paul @ PornNoMore